Today I'm joining in with the bloghop on Mummy from the Heart's fab blog with my reasons to be cheerful:
1. Although the week got off to a rough start with a horrible bullying issue for my girls on the school bus I'm happy to say the school took the bull by the horns and dealt with it swiftly by banning the culprits for a week - so great to see a school tackling bullying head on.
2. My one year old who seemed to be a reluctant talker started to copy every word that came out of our mouths - see video post yesterday - think he is going to be a chatterbox.
3. Letter from mortage company saying we had missed a payment turned out to be a computer error - though the hubby had spent the lot in William Hill ( tongue firmly in cheek I hasten to add!)
4. Got invited to a fab event for Drinkaware in London via Mumsnet Blogger network - can't go but still nice to be asked.
5. Found £10 under the one year olds bed - he has taken to pulling my purse out of my bag - thought I'd just overspent the budget.
On reflection what felt a really stressful week has had some really good bits
Friday, 14 October 2011
Thursday, 13 October 2011
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
Mumsnet Better Miscarriage Care Campaign - My Story
Every woman who has ever had a miscarriage carries a tiny scar on their soul - the baby that never was.
I have five beautiful children so almost feel I have no right to the tears that are falling as I write this - I hope that by sharing my story and adding my voice to the Mumsnet Better Miscarriage Care Campaign I can turn a great sadness into something positive.
My miscarriage was discovered at a dating scan - I had two children already and had no reason to think that there would be any problems with this third pregnancy. Ironically I had had early bleeding with my first two babies but with this baby there was no bleeding so I had gone to the scan with my DH feeling completely sure all would be well. It was my DH that noticed something was wrong soon after the sonographer started scanning - I heard the panic in his voice and watched his face crumple as she told us that the baby had stopped developing at 6 weeks.
We were quite quickly put into a side room where a doctor explained briefly I would need a d and c. I was completely numb and terrified - I just wanted to go home to my two little girls. They left us in this side room (which was actually a storage cupboard) and we just cried and held hands - we were so shocked and devastated we just couldn't speak. We were told to come back in the morning after I had been nil by mouth for 12 hours to have the op and briskly sent on our way. We passed lots of pregnant ladies with their partners on our way out and I knew they knew by our tear stained faces and frozen expression we had been given bad news. I felt guilty in case seeing me in the state I was in spoilt their scan visit.
Telling our parents was hard but telling our eldest daughter who was 5 was harder - she is 13 now and still remembers the baby that never was. I went back to the hospital the next day onto the surgical ward and that was where things went from bad to worse. I was due to be one of the first to be taken down to theatre but I kept being put back due to "urgent" cases - by 5.00pm in the afternoon (I had arrived back at hospital at 8.30 a.m) a nurse found me to be so dehydrated that I needed a drip putting up - this led to the suggestion that the operation would need to be put off as I was too dehydrated for it to go ahead. This is when I completely broke down - a passing hospital chaplain hearing my crying came in to offer help and with his intervention the doctors agreed to go ahead and I went to theatre at about 7.00pm. As much as I didn't want to say goodbye to this baby the thought of having to come back and wait all over again the next day was unbearable.
I have had three more babies since then - I have had scans in the same scan room as the one in which we had the bad news - those scans were heart stoppingly awful until the point at which the screen was turned to show me our baby moving. I know how lucky I am, as so many women have miscarriage after miscarriage and never get to see the flicker of a tiny heart beating.
So that's my story - I join with Mumsnet to demand on behalf of all women compassionate, appropriate co-ordinated and ongoing care after miscarriage - if it wasn't for forums like Mumsnet many women would struggle to cope once the immediate "medical" situation is dealt with so women should have better access to help even some time after the actual miscarriage.
As for my baby that never was - I believe that although he or she never had time here on earth my baby waits for me in God's arms and one day I will be reunited with my little one - and in truth I'm a mummy to six.
I have five beautiful children so almost feel I have no right to the tears that are falling as I write this - I hope that by sharing my story and adding my voice to the Mumsnet Better Miscarriage Care Campaign I can turn a great sadness into something positive.
My miscarriage was discovered at a dating scan - I had two children already and had no reason to think that there would be any problems with this third pregnancy. Ironically I had had early bleeding with my first two babies but with this baby there was no bleeding so I had gone to the scan with my DH feeling completely sure all would be well. It was my DH that noticed something was wrong soon after the sonographer started scanning - I heard the panic in his voice and watched his face crumple as she told us that the baby had stopped developing at 6 weeks.
We were quite quickly put into a side room where a doctor explained briefly I would need a d and c. I was completely numb and terrified - I just wanted to go home to my two little girls. They left us in this side room (which was actually a storage cupboard) and we just cried and held hands - we were so shocked and devastated we just couldn't speak. We were told to come back in the morning after I had been nil by mouth for 12 hours to have the op and briskly sent on our way. We passed lots of pregnant ladies with their partners on our way out and I knew they knew by our tear stained faces and frozen expression we had been given bad news. I felt guilty in case seeing me in the state I was in spoilt their scan visit.
Telling our parents was hard but telling our eldest daughter who was 5 was harder - she is 13 now and still remembers the baby that never was. I went back to the hospital the next day onto the surgical ward and that was where things went from bad to worse. I was due to be one of the first to be taken down to theatre but I kept being put back due to "urgent" cases - by 5.00pm in the afternoon (I had arrived back at hospital at 8.30 a.m) a nurse found me to be so dehydrated that I needed a drip putting up - this led to the suggestion that the operation would need to be put off as I was too dehydrated for it to go ahead. This is when I completely broke down - a passing hospital chaplain hearing my crying came in to offer help and with his intervention the doctors agreed to go ahead and I went to theatre at about 7.00pm. As much as I didn't want to say goodbye to this baby the thought of having to come back and wait all over again the next day was unbearable.
I have had three more babies since then - I have had scans in the same scan room as the one in which we had the bad news - those scans were heart stoppingly awful until the point at which the screen was turned to show me our baby moving. I know how lucky I am, as so many women have miscarriage after miscarriage and never get to see the flicker of a tiny heart beating.
So that's my story - I join with Mumsnet to demand on behalf of all women compassionate, appropriate co-ordinated and ongoing care after miscarriage - if it wasn't for forums like Mumsnet many women would struggle to cope once the immediate "medical" situation is dealt with so women should have better access to help even some time after the actual miscarriage.
As for my baby that never was - I believe that although he or she never had time here on earth my baby waits for me in God's arms and one day I will be reunited with my little one - and in truth I'm a mummy to six.
School - what is the point?
School - I just don’t get it.
What is the point ?
They make me sit, at a table - for year after year,
and fill my head
with stuff I don’t want to hear...
I can’t get it right,
I won’t read the words
and nobody listens
I can’t make myself heard.
So they tell me I’m useless.
I give up and draw on the desk and throw away my homework and mess up the test.
So they keep me in at lunchtime and sit me by myself.
I can’t wait for school to be over - so I can work for MYSELF
Monday, 10 October 2011
National Novel Writing Month here we come!
After discovering that the world doesn't stopped turning if I don't blog for a fair few days I have decided to set myself an even greater challenge than blogging regularly - I am joining in with National Novel Writing Month - 50,000 words to be written between 1st and 30th of November. I wrote a childrens book about 5 years ago and actually sent it off to an agent - and received a lovely rejection later saying that it was "didn't fit in with their list" but that it was being returned "so i could have the earliest opportunity to find the right publisher" - I thought this was an outright discouragement but on discovering the letter in a box of old letters in the attic I think perhaps it was a more encouraging response than I interpreted at the time. Anyway this novel won't be a children's story - I have a few ideas percolating in my head so we shall see what appears and whether I reach the finishing post.
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